my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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