Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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