we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Randomize
