drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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