im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
