Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
