Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
