i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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