You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
