he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
