my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Randomize
