ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
