Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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