Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
