i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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