It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
