my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
