oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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