Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
