No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
