He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
