If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
