when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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