Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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