I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
