Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize