I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
