my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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