Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I woke up under a house in Key West
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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