Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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