I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
