Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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