We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize