I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
