WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
