Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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