My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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