i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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