For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This can only be settled by a dance off.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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