Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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