yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize