tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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