Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
