Do you still have your period?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
