Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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