If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
