Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
