Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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