In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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