We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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