Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
