No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
