I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
