I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Still dying that you shit outside
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
