there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
