I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
