he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize