And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
