summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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