I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
