just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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