I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
