he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
