im six kinds of drunk right now
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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