I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
