THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
dude. I can hear the air.
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