I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize