Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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