Nicole vs. Life
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
