Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
