I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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