Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
