I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
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