Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
