I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize