Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
