i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
