he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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