I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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