if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I would ride that face into the sunset
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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