You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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