I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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