There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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