your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize