sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
