I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
