I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
