I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Are we still banned from the library?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
