Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
