take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
