Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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