I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
