Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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