Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
