True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
