so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
