I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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