I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
