She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize