hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
