there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
